youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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