She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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