I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I would ride that face into the sunset
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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