Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
