At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
