fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
