I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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