She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize