I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
