I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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