I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
