Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
