You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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