I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
