I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
