1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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