I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
