I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
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You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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