took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I am available for nakedness
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
