No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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