i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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