Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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