i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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