So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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