not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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