All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
