I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
