I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
