I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
