how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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