my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
