youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Randomize
