3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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