I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
