I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
