how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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