I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
