Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Pants are for mortals
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
