Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
