Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
