I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I AM VODKA MAN
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you never un-have a 4some
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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