the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
