This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
