dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
