dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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