we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
