so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
