He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
