We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
