a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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