i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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