Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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