I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
