i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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