I hope mine doesn't look like that
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
