hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
