Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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