You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
