I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
