Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
