You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
