i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
